When should you talk about your salary? An important question for anyone, whether it be in an interview, with a potential partner or at a dinner party. Here are 6 questions you need to ask yourself before you decide on when to discuss salary in a relationship…
The best time to discuss salary in a relationship is when you’re either both at the job interview or when you’re both looking for work. That way, you have an understanding of what the other person could be earning and the opportunity to negotiate where necessary.
When you’re dating someone new and trying to decide if they’re worth investing your time in, talking about salary can be a big deal. You want to make sure that your partner will be able to support themselves (and maybe even support you) if things go south.
However, it’s also important not to talk about salary too early in the relationship—this can create unnecessary tension and make it harder for you two to focus on getting along well together.
When to discuss salary in a relationship
Introduction
As a financial advisor and someone who’s been in more than my fair share of relationships, I’ve seen what happens when couples fail to discuss money issues at the start of their relationship. A lot of people think that it’s best to just stay quiet about money out of fear it will make them appear greedy or cause tension. But staying quiet about your finances can lead to lost savings, missed opportunities, and other financial issues along the road. When is the right time to have “the talk” with your S/O?
Shying away from talking about money can be a tricky cycle to break.
As a society, we’re taught that it’s impolite to discuss money. We don’t ask about salaries or wages when getting to know someone new, and even in established relationships with friends and family, we tend to avoid talking about salary unless it’s explicitly necessary (i.e., you’re trying to find out if you can afford something).
This avoidance of discussion can be especially problematic when it comes to dating—particularly if someone is interested in pursuing a relationship with someone they aren’t already close with. The potential awkwardness of such an interaction might lead people who are otherwise interested in each other away from asking important questions before things get too serious or emotionally invested.
Some shy away from talking about money.
- Some people are uncomfortable talking about money.
- Some people are afraid of being judged.
- Some people are afraid of being rejected.
- Some people are afraid of being judged by their partner if they talk about money, or may fear rejection from their partners if they’re in a relationship and want to talk about earning potential—but it’s important to remember that everyone has to pay for bills, groceries, and other expenses somehow!
Many couples make the mistake of not discussing salary until after they’ve been together for some time—and suddenly one person is making significantly more than the other without knowing about it beforehand. This can lead to hurt feelings or resentment down the road when it comes time for a big purchase (like buying a house).
When should you talk about money in a relationship?
Here are some of the best times to talk about money in a relationship:
- Before you get serious. You should discuss your money values and goals with anyone you’re dating seriously. This is especially true if they want to make an investment in the relationship by starting something like a joint checking account or putting down roots together by moving in together.
- When you’re engaged. Once you get engaged, it’s time for an even more thorough discussion about how much money each person has and what he or she expects from the other person financially—especially if one partner has children from his or her previous marriage.
- When you’re married (or live with someone). If both partners are working full time and making good salaries, then starting a joint bank account makes sense because it allows both people access to their funds without having to keep track of separate accounts themselves; however, if one person is not working full time but still contributes financially (such as cleaning), then keeping separate accounts could make sense so that the stay-at-home partner doesn’t feel taken advantage of when his/her salary isn’t counted toward shared expenses like paying off student loans or buying groceries for dinner dates at restaurants instead of home cooked meals at home
If you want to avoid any financial heart breaks, it’s best to discuss money before getting serious.
- Don’t wait until you are married to discuss money.
- Don’t wait until you have kids to discuss money.
- Don’t wait until you have a mortgage to discuss money.
- Don’t wait until you are in debt to discuss money.
- Don’t wait until you are in financial trouble to discuss money!
Conclusion
If you’re in a relationship, or even if you’re just casually dating someone, being open and honest about money is an important part of building trust. There’s no reason to keep your finances secretive from each other, especially if you are serious about the person. It can be awkward at first to bring up your bank account balance with someone new, but it will save everyone a lot of anxiety later down the road when one partner thinks their significant other is rich and the other thinks they have nothing.
