In order to become an adoptive parent, you must first understand the process. The first step is to decide whether or not you are ready for the commitment of being a parent. If you have children already, it is important that they are old enough to be on their own for long periods of time or can live with other family members during this time. The next step is to find an adoption agency that matches your needs and preferences. There are many agencies throughout the United States and many require a certain amount of money before they will consider your application. After finding an agency, you will need to provide them with basic information about yourself as well as medical history, employment history and any criminal background check results if applicable. You will then undergo training classes which include adoption counseling as well as parenting classes in order to prepare yourself for what lies ahead both emotionally and financially whether you choose domestic or international adoption options.
Adoptive parents are parents who choose to adopt a child not born to them by birth. Adoption is a process where the birth parent(s) relinquish their rights and responsibilities as parents, while the adopting parent(s) take on those rights and responsibilities. Adoption can happen through an agency or independently, and can be open or closed (with identifying information shared with the birth parent(s)).
In order to become an adoptive parent, you must first complete an adoption application with a licensed agency in your state. There are many different types of adoption agencies: private, religious, non-profit, international and state-run. You may also choose to work with an independent adoption attorney or facilitator instead of an agency. The types of adoption services offered by these organizations vary widely depending on what you’re looking for; some agencies offer guidance for couples who want to adopt domestically or internationally; others provide support for single individuals looking to adopt; still others focus mainly on assisting families who have adopted children with special needs.
Once you’ve completed your application and been matched with a prospective birth mother (or father), you will need to attend counseling sessions together before finalizing the adoption process—usually one or two sessions per week over a period of several months.
How To Become Adoptive Parent
Adoption is a word that can connote many feelings … a sense of family, love, and fulfillment, and also grief, fear, questioning, and secrecy.
Where we come from is often a central component of our sense of identity, helping explain who we are and to whom we are connected. When we don’t know where we come from, or we wonder about an unknown past, this can lead to feelings of uncertainty about our place in our families and in the larger world, especially when we don’t have a way to seek out this information. Open adoption as a process empowers birth parents, children and adoptive parents to know each other’s stories, to ask of each other the big questions, and to foster lifelong connections that lead to a sense of security and belonging. Particularly in the process embraced by Open Adoption & Family Services, each parent, expectant and adoptive, has had an honest and authentic opportunity to reflect on their choice to parent or not, and to be supported through this process with dignity, resources and ultimately respect for their chosen role in a child’s life.
In contemplating the value of open adoption, one is often most struck by the positive intentionality of loving relationships that this process strives to create. Family is not a word with a singular definition; it is both where we come from and where we choose to be in human relationships. In the case of open adoption, each extended family creates, and then recreate throughout their lives, a sense of love, commitment, and respect for each other and most of all for the child (or children) who have brought them together. In an ideal world, this would be true of all families, no matter their origins. With open adoption, an opportunity is created to be mindful, inclusive and respectful in one of the most central human relationships we have.
For birth parents open adoption facilitates an ongoing connection to a person they have created and nurtured into this world.
In choosing to place a baby in an adoption, birth parents are acknowledging their choice to not parent at this time in their lives, and open adoption allows for a path to knowing who this child will become, and also to be known to this child in an ongoing way. This means the growth of, rather than the severing of a relationship. Birth parents can continue to love their child, and can hopefully move past the grief by letting go of what might have been, to embrace a broader experience of acceptance into a new extended family that they have helped to create. Birth parents can respond to their child’s questions with reassurance and honesty, helping them feel secure in a family that loves them completely. They can feel strength in knowing they have played and will continue to play an integral role in taking care of their child’s needs in the best ways they can.
For adoptive parents open adoption allows for a sense of connection to where their child comes from and helps them provide honest answers to their child’s questions as they arise.
Having a structured relationship with birth parents can also support a sense of security in adoptive parents, of their primary role in parenting their child while collaborating in nurturing them as they grow up. During more challenging times in parenting, adoptive parents have the ability to respond from a shared understanding of how their child came to be adopted, because it has been a transparent process. Adoptive parents can experience security themselves in bearing witness to the relationship their child has with their birth parents, rather than fearing betrayal or anger about an unknown parent or a secret past. They contribute to meeting their child’s deepest emotional needs in this way. They can play an integral role in supporting their child in having honored, mutually meaningful relationships with their birth families as they grow and learn to experience trust, love and commitment within the context of family.
For the child, open adoption reinforces a true sense of being supported by many loving adults, including their adoptive and birth parents, and ideally by even larger extended families on all sides.
This supports healthy attachments to their adoptive parents, with a shared understanding of each person’s role in the child’s life. As questions arise about where they came from and what it means to be adopted, they have the ability to ask these questions directly, and with support when needed, to hear honest responses. While this may not always be a smooth path, children learn to feel respected and worthy of trust when their past is not a secret, and when they are honored with transparency and truth from their family. When children have meaningful connections with birth parents that are supported and genuinely respected by adoptive parents, they can feel safe in creating and nurturing their own sense of understanding about who they are. Ultimately, this contributes to their overall sense of self-worth, security and belonging.
Beyond the individuals involved in each open adoption experience, the philosophy itself supports values integral to healthy communities.
This includes empowering people to make informed and respected decisions about whether and when to parent, with access to the support they need to know that they are making the best decision for themselves and for their child. It also includes fostering genuine relationships that are based on mutual respect, transparency, and honesty, especially in times of intense vulnerability. Modeling this for children supports strong communication skills and emotional intelligence, both of which contribute to healthy interactions and relationships throughout their lives. Open adoption supports a broad and evolving definition of the word family, and always includes the right of children to feel loved, completely welcomed, and accepted by their families, whoever they may include, which makes its value immeasurable.
What is open adoption?
Learn about our high-integrity process.
We plan child-centered open adoptions in which birth parents and adoptive families create healthy long-term relationships addressing the ongoing needs of the child. We are deeply committed to completing adoptions in which the child’s need for information is not only met, but exceeded.
In an open adoption, birth parents select adoptive parents with whom they want to place their child. The adoptive parents and birth parents choose the level of contact and openness they prefer. They create a legally enforceable adoption agreement that outlines ongoing contact and communication.
Ongoing contact provides birth parents reassurance that their child is thriving in the adoptive home. This helps them feel at peace with their decision. Knowing that the birth parents fully support the adoption, the adoptive parents feel secure in welcoming the birth parents into their lives.
Open adoption relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect. In an open adoption, adoptive parents and birth parents value one another’s unique role in the child’s life. By witnessing this relationship, the child feels an unconditional acceptance of his full identity. The child has direct access to information about his history and answers to his questions. This allows for healthy development of the child’s identity and self-esteem.
Exploring adoption? Know where to go.
As an adoptive parent, you have the right to high-integrity adoption services. At Open Adoption & Family Services, we recognize and honor this. Our gallery of tips and infographic highlight some of the most important aspects of an adoption agency’s practices. These reflect the values we bring to every adoption.
See All the Tips!View Infographic
Adoptive parent Allie shares her story.
For a detailed, first-person perspective of the OA&FS adoption program, give a listen to this podcast featuring OA&FS adoptive parent Allie. It’s so gratifying to hear her articulately describe our philosophy and process in her own insightful words. Knowing that our open adoption aspirations have been meaningful to her and her family is deeply inspiring to us. Allie is truly an ambassador of open adoption.
Listen to “Infertility, Adoption and a New Perspective”, an Art of Joy Podcast.
“I was thrilled to be able to share our story on the podcast- it’s a journey I cannot imagine having gone through anywhere other than OA&FS.”
Adoptive Parent Allie
15 reasons to choose OA&FS.
- BECAUSEwe give absolute equality to every pregnancy option: parenting, abortion and adoption. Our complete focus is on personal choice.
- BECAUSEwe provide a safe place for pregnant individuals and couples to make their choice.
- BECAUSEwe do not practice coercion.
- BECAUSEwe have an empowerment model grounded in dignity and respect.
- BECAUSEof our high quality services, if a person thoughtfully explores all of their options and decides they want to plan an adoption, they will be best served through our agency.
- BECAUSEwe facilitate high-integrity fully open adoptions in which the birth and adoptive parents form genuine relationships, much like extended family.
- BECAUSEwe welcome all belief systems and are not religiously affiliated.
- BECAUSEwe embrace diversity and welcome LGBTQ clients.
- BECAUSEour information is transparent and accessible. There are not separate messages (or hidden agendas) for expectant parents and adoptive parents.
- BECAUSEof our thorough counseling and relationship building, our adoption disruption rates of 4-7% are far below the 20% national average.
- BECAUSEwe provide lifelong services for birth and adoptive families.
- BECAUSEour counselors are highly qualified, experienced and compassionate. They’re a dedicated crew whose roster brims with Masters degrees in social work, counseling and marriage and family therapy. Many of them are also licensed clinical social workers.
- BECAUSEwe cultivate a vibrant open adoption community and host events such as an annual birth mothers’ retreat, summer picnics, holiday parties and speaking engagements from nationally-known open adoption experts.
- BECAUSEwe value the input of birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees so much, we include them on our Board of Directors.
- BECAUSEexpectant parents trust us to support them in this complex decision-making process. And prospective adoptive parents choose us to be their partner in this journey.
