Becoming a swinger is a process. Here are some steps that will help you get started:
- Decide if swinging is right for you. Swinging is not for everyone, and it’s important to find out if this lifestyle is right for you before taking the plunge.
- Talk to your partner about swinging before committing to it as a couple. If both people are interested in swinging, discuss boundaries, rules, and how much time it will take away from other aspects of your lives together (like raising children or keeping up with social commitments).
- Get tested for STIs before becoming a swinger. Having an STI can be devastating for anyone involved in an open relationship, so make sure everyone gets tested before engaging in any sexual activity with others outside of the relationship at large! Check out [website] for more information on how to get tested locally!
How To Become A Swinger
1. You don’t want to cheat or split up
Sometimes a couple realizes they both have a strong desire to experience other sexual partners, but not for lack of loving each other or still wanting to have sex with each other. They don’t want to have to split up because they sleep with other people, and they don’t want to lie to each other about it, either.
“Often, we are taught that sexuality should be expressed in the confines of a committed relationship or marriage,” says Dr. Oriowo. “For women, especially Black women, there is the added layer of being a hoe which would make someone seemingly unsuitable for life as someone’s wife. This can lead to a lot of missed hoe-opportunities or (heuxpportunities) which then can be regained through a relationship that allows swinging.”
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2. You’re bisexual
If one or both people are bisexual, then the only way they can really be satisfied is by swinging. Some would say it’s unfair for a person who is bisexual to be limited to only sleeping with one gender their entire life. And in many couples, a person doesn’t consider it cheating if their partner is sleeping with a person whose gender is different than their own.
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3. Your sex life is dead, but your bond is not
Some couples just lose the flame, but are still best friends who care deeply about each other, lead a very satisfying life together, and feel very connected on other levels. They don’t see why they should have to miss out on the sexual side of life, nor do they want to break up, so they swing.
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4. You have kids
Some couples swing as a way of staying together but not really staying together. They’re great co-parents and they don’t want their children to grow up with divorced parents. They get along fine, but are no longer in love. They don’t get a divorce, but they swing instead so they can both be satisfied.
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5. Your partner is voyeuristic
Swinging can be a huge thrill for voyeuristic individuals or individuals with sexual fantasies that involve more than two people. These couples may not swing regularly, but occasionally, as a way of fulfilling certain fantasies.
“If you are or suspect that you attracted to other than who you are married to or in a committed relationship with, then swinging can allow you space to further explore your sexuality without feeling like you have to stop your current romantic involvements,” says Dr. Oriowo.
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6. You’re into jealousy/competition
Some couples need a certain level of jealousy and competition to feel aroused. Swinging provides this but within safe and clear boundaries. They get the thrill of feeling jealous, without the anger that can come with being cheated on.
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7. You are a rule-breaker
If both individuals don’t care much for traditional, well, anything, then they may get into swinging. Maybe they even get off on doing things society would see as “naughty” or “abnormal.”
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8. You weren’t meant for monogamy
Some people genuinely feel they aren’t meant for monogamy. They don’t enjoy the pain they bring to their partners by cheating, but they’ve never been able to sleep with only one person for an extended period of time. Swinging gives them an option to live their true nature without hurting anybody.
“No one person can meet all of your needs in a romantic or any other type of relationship,” says Dr. Oriowo. “This is a false narrative that so many people grow up with. However, if you and your beau are into swinging, this gives an opportunity for you to have all your sexual needs met by a variety of people as opposed to feeling sexually trapped in a marriage.”
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9. Sex isn’t emotional for you
For some people, sex and emotions don’t go hand in hand. Sex is just a physically pleasurable act, like getting a massage or eating their favorite food. For this reason, they don’t feel their relationship is enhanced by remaining monogamous.
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10. You need to enhance your trust
Many couples believe that swinging is the ultimate way to enhance trust in a relationship. They think that if you loosen your partner’s leash and let them play near the edge of acceptable behavior and they don’t push it, then you can trust them under any circumstances.
